DON’T PANIC!

Ah, another week down!

Picture this. You're driving along, traffic is light, and the sun has graced you with its presence. It's mid to early afternoon though, so your retinas are in no risk of frying. You've got the cabin temperature just right. You've been driving for a period of time that still qualifies as a welcome relief from your previous postural position. In other words God is in his heaven and all's right in the commuting world.

As you sing along with "59^th Street Bridge Song" a flash of white appears in your peripheral vision. Your eyes begin the terrifying bob up and to the right. Yup, there it is, a mid size American made sedan with angry red and blue light bar. Suddenly the fire ants begin the conga line dance across your brow and 2 bottles of what should be your six pack fold in on themselves.

Now, we all know we should look at our speedometer first, but we don't. Instead it turns out that each of us has a tiny reptile brain in our thigh that only begins to fire when a policeman appears behind them. Two things happen next. First you wish you had some idea just how fast you were traveling and second it occurs to you that you've just flashed your brake lights at the trooper behind you effectively acknowledging to him that you knew you were speeding.

Ok, whip out the checklist. Wallet, check, clear path to the shoulder, check, vehicle registration (signed of course), check, and proof of insurance, check. No wait, you have one of those insurance companies that send you something in the mail 4 times a week, did you put the most recent card in the glove box? Ugh! You can hear the officer now, "Do you know why I stopped you?" How do you answer that? "Why yes officer, I was speeding, I have a tail light out and I'm quite possibly inebriated". The next question will probably be "Do you know how fast you were going?" There's another hum-dinger. "Yes officer, somewhere more than a Segway but something slower than The Starship Enterprise?"

Just as you (hopefully) start to remind yourself that this person with the campaign hat and perfectly creased wool trousers is in fact just a human being and even more importantly a public servant whose overriding goal is public safety, the dreaded machine makes a dip for the shoulder and uses one of those handy Police Only u-turn paths in the median.

I've been the unhappy recipient of two speeding tickets in my life. The first was when I was 16 while driving my first car, a turquoise '69 Ford Falcon Station wagon through Mukilteo and the other recently while speeding through Home. 2 speeding tickets in almost 28 years of driving doesn't make me a serial offender. Add to this the fact that I worked as a radio operator for the Washington State Patrol for a number of years you'd think I would be spared that onrush of baseless guilt. Not in the least.

Where does this come from? Sure, there's a good chance that your checking account will be lighter after a traffic stop, but the vast majority of us take the lesson away that we are suppose to and slow down, if only for a time. So what's all the hubbub, bub? The truth is that every time this happens to me it's a pretty safe bet that I was speeding. Not fast enough to whet the appetite of the freeway shark, but who drive's the speed limit? In seems either people are driving 10 MPH under the limit or mach 9 with their hair on fire. Still though, I know it was fast enough to fall into the speeding column.

There's something deeper at work here I think. At times it seems like there's more experiences grounded in fear, guilt and dread than joy. Each week on Thursday Tammy and I participate in a program called Alpha and at one point in the evening we get together in groups of 10-12 and talk about each night's topic. The course is a basic introduction to the Christian faith and the conversations are a chance for the participants to share their thoughts and feelings. One thing that's been very uplifting about participating in the leadership of this program is getting a chance to not just listen to others, but to actually hear what they are saying. I have to say it's been genuinely liberating to hear that those feelings are mostly universal.

So, next time you see that light bar in your rear view mirror remember, we've all been there and very few of us actually respond differently than you do. Of course there are a few who respond with "Game on!" but there'd be no good movie chase scenes without those folks would there?

Don't drive angry! Drive weird!

Look Up, Look Down, Look All Around

Driving as far as we do each day provides endless scene changes. We start the day surrounded by single wides, farm houses, and acreage. Some mornings are like playing a Bizarro World game of Frogger as you swerve back and forth trying to avoid the animals crossing the road.

Once we get off the Peninsula and turn onto SR-16, the drive opens up to the small town of Gig Harbor and the road slowly widens to freeway size as you approach the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. One of these days I'll do a post about this bridge, but not today. Follow that link if you want to get a preview. For now let me say that crossing this bridge and moving through North Tacoma provides some of the most spectacular sunrise scenes you can imagine. As you climb the hill after the bridge deck, on a clear day, you are greeted by Mount Rainier to the east. If you still have enough sleep in your eyes and the light is just right it seems like the mountain rises up out of bed just in time to say hello. More than once I've been tempted to pull over and take some pictures of this view point as SR-16 winds its way to I-5. Simply amazing.

From here on it's all about people watching. If you aren't driving you get time to see stuff that will make you feel like you've just finished a face acting exercise. "Show me happy, now terror, now desire, ok, ok, now gimme shy, winsome, panic". At one point on the bus I looked down at the car next to me and saw the driver texting on her Blackberry in one hand (the one resting on the steering wheel) and eating an apple with the other. She was passing us. It still makes me grind my teeth and tense my shoulders.

It is really worth the time though to watch the world and people around you. It's something that I haven't gotten the chance to do in many years. I spend most of my day tapping on this piece of plastic and trying not to get to devolve into caveman-nerd.

One of the things that I want to do with this blog is to share those experiences when I see them and so today I thought I'd start. Oddly enough however, the thing that stood out for me today didn't occur until the very end of my commute. Prior to my increased in-office days I would make the drive to Redmond on my own. I parked in the garage, walked in the door and sat down. Riding the bus has given me the chance to see that part of my trip differently too. I walk from the Overlake Transit Center to my building and into a door that until now I had never been through. This morning as I started up the stairs I noticed something hanging on the wall that made me pause for a moment.

This is the Garaventa Evacu-Trac CD7 - Evacuation Chair

From reading the website, this device "provides safe, reliable and fast emergency evacuation." Wow, crammed in this little box is a sleigh that lets you give rides down the stairs. I have to admit my first thought was to break this bad boy out and give it a whirl. I don't often indulge my adventuresome side, but I was sorely tempted here. The adult in me took over and I began to consider the practical aspects of this device. First, let me say that I've never seen one of these before. I've worked in a ton of "my company's" buildings and this is the first time I've encountered anything of this sort. So, what are the folks in all the other buildings to do in case of emergency? I guess they just roll their injured down the stairs, how blessed am I to work in this building! Then I took a step back and got a little more puzzled as I saw this.

Allow me to rewind for just a moment. My observation is taking place as I enter the building. This means I'm at the bottom of the stairs. The coolness meter for working in this building took a sudden dip. Why didn't they put this device at the top of the stairs? I may just be ignoring another fine opportunity to get a little cardio here, but I'm thinking it would be a lot more helpful if they had placed this closer to where it might be used, that's just me I guess.

That's it for today. I'll let you know if I ever get the nerve to ride the sleigh down the stairs.

Don't drive angry! Drive weird!

Glug, glug, glug. It never stays full

I was standing at the corner preparing to cross the street on the way to my bus when at the line gathered a Gaggle of Prius. They are a proud but silent breed. No, I'm not going to say anything about recalls and gas pedals. Every car company that has ever existed has had engineering mistakes. Those mistakes sometimes, tragically, result in serious injury or death. It's one of the dangers of being in that business.

I'm intrigued by hybrid cars. The engineering fascinates me and I think to some degree the idea is headed the right way. I do shake my head at the sycophants who faun over them as if they are the key element in a Gorian recycling ceremony. We are frequently asked if we have considered a hybrid as an alternative to continuing to feed the Oil Companies. We spend most of our time at freeway speed so those neat little electric motors will seldom kick on and we wouldn't get close to maximizing the mileage potential. By the time you compare the cost of buying a hybrid to the cost of our Hyundai's the money just didn't make sense.

I couldn't agree more though about needing an alternative to feeding the greed. I'm struggling to find any redeeming aspects to $2.79 a gallon. When I see things like Exxon Roars to Record In Oil Slump and read about $45.2 billion in profits for 2008 I want to show them my lunch. During the height of the recent gas price silliness our fuel costs reached a monthly cost equivalent large enough to lease a Lexus. I'm not kidding; we tipped $600 a month more than once and that's when I was only going in once a week. With me riding the bus and the absurdness of our friends at Zurich Insurance (they gave Tammy's mom her pink slip a few months back) our monthly bill is sub $300 again.

The truly boggling part is trying to understand what's causing it. From all that I can see the big issue here isn't an oil supply problem (other than to say that OPEC likes to squeeze that Bug Out Bob toy frequently) it's the lack of refineries in the US that can turn it to gas! Ok, this is when my friends who worry about the environment step in and like to make the point that this helps keep our air clean. (Please no Global Warming comments, that's a completely different conversation.) The problem with all this is that your average guy out there trying to make it back and forth to work are stuck in the middle of this never ending, no solution in sight, carnival house of horrors with all the idea pushers screaming BOO and cackling.

To all of this our government likes to make knee jerk reactions that make great noise in the press but at the best amount to a "mustard burp, momentarily tangy and then forgotten in the air". At their worst those decisions have lead our farmers to stop growing food/feed and start growing corn for ethanol. Resonates well in a sound bite but goes quickly south as the prices skyrocket at Safeway.

Are we sure we can't find ways to reduce emissions enough to be responsible, build the refineries we need, and continue to search for good alternative fuel sources? Everyone wants to sit out on the far edges of the issue when a reasonable compromise seems possible to me. Unfortunately coming up with reasonable compromises that look out for all concerned parties just isn't any fun and doesn't play well in the news. If peacemaking could be used as an advertising gadget I wonder what the world would look like. Apples and oranges I guess.

Don't drive angry! Drive weird!

“plah plah plah please! Not HIM!”

Monday is here and I'm knee deep in it again. Tammy was pleased to have me back behind the wheel in the morning. You've probably figured it out by now but when I work from home Tammy is stuck doing all the driving.

This brings me to today's date. Today is Tammy's birthday! She's exceedingly cute on her birthdays. We celebrated on Saturday with her family. Tammy ground up a mess of 2 parts chuck and 1 part sirloin and God saw fit to give us a break in the rain so that we might indulge ourselves by grilling over open flame. I'm a charcoal guy, mainly because I caught myself on fire with a gas grill once. However, there is nothing like meat grilled over charcoal.

Sunday, for Valentine's we enjoyed a terrific meal at one of our favorite places Joeseppi's Italian Ristorante. Joe serves great food and truly reasonable prices.

This works as a great segue into today's topic. I'm a fan of a good meal. In fact, I don't miss many of them. That love of food combined with genetics and backed up with some bad eating behavior intersects in a spectacular way in me. I've spent a fair amount of time considering this melting pot; oh wait, mmm, The Melting Pot if you have 4 hours to eat dinner… Oh, sorry, so, I've come to terms with the outcome of all this collision of circumstance, biology and behavior. I've learned to love me the way I am and I'm surrounded by folks who feel the same way. Here it is, just putting it out there plainly, I'm a fat guy. I'm not "big boned", or "wide for my height", or "calorically challenged". I'm fat. Yup, it would be easier to be thin. Yup, I'd fit into the current societal vision of normal much better if I were thin. Yup, I would be in better health if I were thin. There's no doubt that these things are true, but none of that means that I feel second class or less deserving just because I'm potentially still packing around a cheeseburger I ate 12 years ago.

Now with that behind us I'd like to talk about a phenomenon that I first experienced on airplanes and has been recently reproduced for me on public transit. I refer to it as the "Oh no, please, not him" experience. This occurs as someone either sees me coming down the aisle of a vehicle and they have an empty seat next to them or the reverse as they come down the aisle and I have an empty seat next to me. They are unable to hold back as their thoughts ripple across their face like a cheap casino reader board. "Oh, no, please not next to me!"

I try, usually successfully, to draw myself in as small as possible to make room for my new row buddy. I do my best to keep from spilling over into their space. When it comes to the buses, I try to plan my trips so that I'm on bus with the most open seats, and I try to get on the route early so that I can cram myself up against the wall should it become crowded. Still though, it does occasionally occur that someone is forced to sit next to me. To everyone who has had to face this situation allow me to extend my sincere apologies and share with you a couple of facts. First, I shower and use deodorant. Next, I can and do operate our laundry room with enough precision to insure that my clothes are always clean. When I'm sick and contagious, I stay home and do my best to keep from sharing my misery. On the rare occasion that I do develop a cough, I do so into the crook of my arm and wash my hands frequently. This brings me to my last point of my apology, when I use the "little nerd's room" I wash my hands. So, in the event that you should have to sit next to me and that awkward level of body contact is experienced I hope you have some solace in the fact that I'm aware of your discomfort and are doing my best to be the best row buddy I can be.

Please allow me at this point to make a minor request. When we find ourselves in this situation it would be great that should you chose to stand rather than sit next to me, you not huff and sneer at me like I had insulted your parentage. Unfortunately not everyone can be as genetically blessed, behaviorally balanced, or "disciplined" as you. But if you insist on outwardly displaying your disdain for us pear shaped folks please forgive me if I start to laugh. I'll try really hard not to, but sometimes I can't help myself.

While I'm near the subject of bus etiquette, let me run down a couple of other observations. I'm new to this whole mass transit thing and something I try to do any time I find myself in a new environment is spend a little time getting the lay of the land. If you are lucky there are some posted rules or guides that help but sometimes you just have to practice your powers of observation. One of the first things that I noticed that people do at bus stops is form themselves into a line. It seems right and fair that the folks that got their first should get out of the weather first and get first pick of seats. For the first couple of weeks I would ride a bus from the Overlake Transit Center to the Bellevue Transit Center then transfer to another bus that took me to Seatac. While waiting for the bus to Seatac we'd all queue up and get ready for the bus to arrive with the exception of two construction workers. Observing this the first time I thought "perhaps they are new like me" and simply don't know. I soon realized though that my optimism was not going to get any bolstering here. They just decided that short of one of us falling down in front of them and forcing their direction of travel to be altered physically, no one else existed at that stop. Having read the self references above you can imagine I'm not easy to ignore! It was a challenge for me not to say something to them but ultimately I've felt better in the long run about holding my tongue. Really, no really. I mean it. Shhh, I heard that!

I think I'll finish today with this thought. Most folks on the bus and walking around these days in general, seem to be wearing headphones. I myself am a devoted audio book fan and do the same. In acknowledgement of the fact that just because I can't hear anyone else doesn't mean they don't exist, I will on occasion smile and/or nod at you. Sure, there's a chance that I'm on a cell phone, or that I've decided to interact to "The Voices", but there is also a distinct chance that I'm trying to be friendly. I know that this may confuse and even scare some of you, but why not try smiling back? I won't likely attempt something like a conversation with you as I'm obviously engrossed in my directly injected noise, so is it really a huge risk? Just a thought.

Don't drive angry! Drive weird!